It really sucks that as a human your body is always trying to sabotage you. It’s selfish and it wants you to be fat and ugly and full, constantly. Like I love that my body is taking care of me, but respectfully, just let me die.
“If older members migrate to the younger Pro Ana forum, they find out they don’t fit in. They can’t. They know too much, have lived and suffered too much. They find themselves becoming precisely the patronizing parent figure that annoyed them away from their previous forum home. Suddenly, they are surrounded by literal 13 year olds who, in some cases, haven’t even learned about the hazard of laxatives, purging or diuretics yet. And they are having these dangerous discussions on a board browsed by impressionable 12 year olds. There is no 25 year old ED sufferer who can bear witness these things and not be appalled. Even if they themselves did exactly the same thing a decade ago. If they don’t find themselves forced into the role of "forum parent”, they feel like a fucking alien, an outsider. Their metabolism is shot from years of starvation, they can’t keep up with the weight loss speed of these new kids, nor can they pretend they are indestructible any longer.
And these kids are still in school. Still on track for the perfect life. While these older, displaced members are now struggling through their soul-crushing part time retail job, the only thing they can handle. Then coming home and staring blankly at Netflix while spitting up whole bags of candy, until they face puffs up and their jaws ache and this has been their life for a decade now. The cultural divide is too much. It the end, they leave kids to be kids. The quest remains unsuccessful, for what they truly missed was not ED memes or drama, it was their own youth. Their own naivity, the days when they felt indestructible. When they weren’t burdened with adult expectations or fear that this could be their life forever. When you’re only 16 or 18, you feel the potential ahead of you. The ability to have any kind of future you’d like. Even if you’re pretty convinced you’re going to die before you’re 20, you know the potential is there. And somewhere, in your heart of hearts, deep beneath the darkness and cynicism you believe that one day you will be loved. Maybe married, maybe produce kids, maybe find your purpose and have a beautiful career and a beautiful life. And your ED would just be a brooding part of the past. But once those youths reach their mid-20s, for those who are still sick, the illusion becomes just that. An illusion.“
